guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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