i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
