I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
