I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
