Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
