i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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