I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
