I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
