Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
