Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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