i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
