I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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