Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
