just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
