OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
