Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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