gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
