Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
