and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize