before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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