he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
