Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
