Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
