STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
