Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
