Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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