Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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