well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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