I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
