im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
