Already got asked if we're dating
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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