I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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