So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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