i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
