New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i came on her dog
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize