Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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