Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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