nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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