there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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