He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
