Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
