sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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