You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
