Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
