I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
