i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
two words: eviction party
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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