Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
