At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
