me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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