he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
