you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
