You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
