Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
