they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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