I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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