Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
