I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
