u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
