i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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