either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize