Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
