Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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