$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I smell like Dick and happiness
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