Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
