He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
