Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
