I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
