just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
